Why I left medicine
What happened
When my partner and I separated after 16 years together, I had a period of depression and loneliness. During that time, I made the unwise decision of getting into a relationship with a patient, who then later falsely accused me of assault. I spent 5 years in the legal and (in)justice system defending myself. In the end, all the charges were dropped, and I have a clean record with no convictions or limitations. But that length of time made going back into clinical medicine no longer an option.
WHAT I LEARNED
The combination of losing my ability to practice medicine, enduring slanted newspaper articles filled with half truths and outright lies, and fighting for my life and freedom was the absolute hardest thing I have ever faced in my life. I learned firsthand how the justice system can be incredibly unjust, and the legal system moves at the pace of a glacier, grinding away hope. I felt incredibly powerless against institutions that were designed to oppress and to propagate a narrative rather than the actual truth. I also experienced deep depression and anxiety that was worse than anything I've had before. Because of that, I had to apply to my own life all the counsel and advice I had been providing patients for 20 years. I learned that even with all the knowledge on what to do, actually doing it was darn hard. And I learned how vitally important strong support from a group of mental health professionals and close friends was for me to make it through the darkness.
I also acknowledge the role I had in the situation and take responsibility for my mistakes and the impact and consequences on myself and others. I continue to do my own work with my personal therapist and my men's group to uncover unconscious patterns of thought and behavior that no longer serve me so that I too might continually be a better version of myself.
HOW THAT HELPS ME HELP YOU
I have lost a long-term relationship, lost the ability to practice medicine that I spent a lifetime working towards, watched a parent pass away, and so much more. I know from deep personal experience how devastating catastrophic loss can be. My extensive clinical experience in mental health and my training in effective life coaching are coupled with my lived-in experience. That gives me empathy and compassion for my clients, an understanding of how difficult things can be, and a robust set of tools to help clients move through their own blockages. As Sy Sperling would say in his 1980s commercial, "I'm not just the president of the Hair Care Club for Men!"
A word about the pictures
The title picture is the eruption of Mount St. Helens on May 18, 1980. The pristine, iconic volcano in Washington state, dormant since 1857, spewed a column of gas and ash 16 miles (26 km) high and blanketed the entire area in darkness up to 250 miles away. A gigantic landslide of mud and melted glacier buried the river valleys around Mount St. Helens. Trees that had been growing for hundreds of years were broken like matchsticks. The landscape was in complete devastation.
For years, the area around Mount St. Helens looked barren. But gradually, life started taking root. Wildflower seeds blown by the wind found soil, water, and light and started to sprout. The landslide caused by the eruption dammed up a small creek, and over time created Coldwater lake, a 5-mile-long ribbon lake stocked with trout and used for water recreation.
Mount St. Helens and the area around it were forever changed by the eruption. Similarly, my life irrevocably changed when charges were brought against me. And like Mount St. Helens, it has taken time and a lot of work, internally and externally, for life and beauty to come back. I can spend all my time looking up and missing the loss of the mountain peak and the majestic trees, or I can change my focus and perspective, look down, and appreciate the beauty of the wildflowers around me. It's honestly tough to do much of the time. There will always be a hole in my heart where my medical practice used to be. But that does not mean I can't be grateful for the blessings I have now.
Have you gone through some sort of catastrophic loss in your life? Maybe your spouse or partner cheated on you, or you were the one who stepped out of the relationship. Maybe it was the loss of a parent or a child. Maybe it was a job or a life dream. Whatever it is, I want to tell you that there is a way forward. And no, life might not ever be the same, but there can be a different sort of beauty, purpose, and meaning that can spring up in the most unlikely of places. Let's work together to find that for you.
Mount St Helens, 2020, forty years after the eruption